Two-ish days out

Progress....

That is how I feel. I feel like in four weeks I have had not only a physical but a MENTAL makeover. I feel like for the first time in a VERY long time my mind is in a very healthy place. I have talked before about having dealt with an eating disorder here. That was a very scary time in my life. I remember feeling so overwhelmed by my own inner demons at that time. I have been very open and honest on this blog with most aspects of my life. There are, of course, private issues that I have chosen not to share but when it comes to my health and fitness I am an open book. Do I fear that I could end up back in that dark "place"? Yes. Of course. But... having said that I know what my triggers are... owning a scale is one of them. I vow to NEVER own a scale. I will weigh myself when I have to, and only then will I close my eyes so I don't have to actually see. ;)

I just got back from posing at the gym. I got some great feedback from my friend and I feel better now than I did earlier. You know how carb depletion messes with you. I felt TERRIFIC yesterday and today have been TIRED as heck and literally just to scratch my nose felt like a chore. The joys. Tomorrow means I can refuel with some good carbs.

Two days until the competition (well actually more like 1 full day and a half). Usually at this point in my prep I am DREAMING of all the crap I am going to shovel into my mouth in the weeks to come. All of the food I have been missing. Aside from a few things I really don't even feel that way. I am not dreaming of where I will eat post show, in fact I haven't even thought about it. I am not loading my bag full of crap like chocolate and things like that. I am packing it with chicken, potatoes and rice cakes. I feel SO good. I feel ready. I feel blessed.

Here's to the stage... please be kind to me :) Whoop! I will post some pictures tomorrow pre and post tan. I am super excited about getting that on my body!