Monday, January 30, 2012

The deep end...

Life is so weird.

We go through so many things, good, bad and ugly.  We grow, we learn, we fall, we sink, we swim, we jump, we fly.  So many things mold and shape the people we become.  In my life I have had my fair (and not so fair) share of ups and downs.  I have fallen hard and to be honest sometimes I still have a really hard time WANTING to get back up.  However I am really trying to focus on the good in life.  The fact that I have my health is definitely something I do not want to take for granted.

The past few months have been really emotional for me.  I have had to watch so many people I care about struggle with trials.  Mainly the "C" word.  I hate cancer.  I know that no one likes it but I really hate it.  I have seen it take the lives of people I love.  And is it just me or does it seem to be spreading like wild fire.  It just isn't fair!  A girl that I grew up with is fighting... she is absolutely amazing to me.  I cannot even begin to imagine how scared she must be, and I admire her SO much.  I just don't know if I could be or would be that strong.  She absolutely amazes me.

So much in life is out of our hands.  We can't control other people, we can't always control our health, but what we can control is how we choose to live our life.  I have control of how I treat other people.  I have control over my own actions.  I have control of what I choose to put in my body.  Sometimes when I feel like my life is a little out of control I start to panic and my emotions get the best of me.  I need to learn to take a step back, have a little faith and let it be because I don't think that God would give me anything I couldn't handle even if at times I feel like the burden is just too much to bear.

Count your blessings my friends.  Cherish every moment.  Be good to the people you love.  Don't take them for granted.  Don't judge people for crying out loud.  You never know what their story is, what they are going through, where they have been.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


I was tagged by Tenecia over at Boobs, Barbells, and Broccoli!  It came at the perfect time too because I feel like I haven't been able to come up with much to write about!  Thanks T!!!!

Here are the Rules:

1.  You must post the rules
2.  Post 12 fun facts about yourself 
3.  Answer the 12 questions the tagger set for you, 
and post 12 new questions for the people you tag to answer
4.  Tag 12 people and link them in your post
5.  Let them know you tagged them

12 Fun Facts about me!

1.  I am TERRIFIED of open water.  BUT, I got my scuba certification.  Never used it since, but I got it!

2.  I love Rock Climbing.

3.  I have 4 brothers and 4 sisters.  This is obviously missing some of us.  I was overseas, my younger brother was not able to be there, and my older brother Shane passed away when he was 5.

4.  We lived in another country for 4 years. 
5.  I am scared to death to speak in front of people.  Like TERRIFIED of it.
6.  I am a beauty school drop out!  I come from a family full of hair dressers (thank goodness) and met my best friend in beauty college however I got married and moved when I was about halfway through and lost my desire to do hair!
7.  I am a bit claustrophobic
8.  I hate talking on the phone, text me please ;)  I feel like finding the time to stop whatever I am doing and actually TALK on the phone is so inconvenient, not only to myself but I feel like I am inconveniencing others, however with a text you can respond whenever you get a chance.  Am I the only one that feels that way?  LOL!
9.  I have a couple of addictions.  Cereal, and cookies.  I honestly think I could live off these two items.  I don't... but I very easily could!
10.  I used to drive up to the Mountains and go for a little hike and think when I was struggling or going through something difficult.  This was when I was a teenager.  The Mountains have always brought a sense of peace to me.
11.  Ear wax makes me gaggy.  Like, really gaggy.  If I even see a used Q-tip in the trash... I gag.  My husband has to hide them under things.
12.  I hate being cold.  I don't know how I survived my childhood in Utah.  I think being cold is one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world.

That was harder than I thought it would be!

Now to answer "T's" questions

1.  How do you like your eggs?  Scrambled is the way I usually eat them, all whites with one yolk!

2.  Favorite movie quote?  Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out! - from what a girl wants.  Love that!

3.  Last book you read?  Or... still reading???  I have been reading The Shania Twain book, from this moment for MONTHS.  I just can't find a lot of free time to sit down and finish it!

4.  If you had $500 to spend on whatever you wanted, what would you buy?  Probably new workout clothes.

5.  What's your "go to" recipe?  Turkey Muffins, I make them ALL the time.  Convenient, fast, easy and yummy!

6.  What concert(s) will you be going to this year?  Is Bonjovi coming again?  I have no plans but if he comes you better believe I will be there!

7.  Favorite candy?  I love Sour patch kids, and Cinnamon bears

8.  What is the best piece of advice you've received?  When I got pregnant with my son I was terrified that I would gain a lot of weight.  My doctor gave me the best advice ever, he said "Continue working out, doing ab work until it doesn't feel okay, keep those stomach muscles tight because they will shrink right up when you deliver and DO NOT eat for two.  Eat for YOU, baby takes what baby needs!" Best. Advice. Ever.

9.  What was the first job you ever had?  I worked at an ice cream shop in the outlet mall.  That was when I first got my "ice cream scooping muscle" in my right bicep, I tried to use my left to even them out but it was too hard!

10.  Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?  Never.  I don't have time for that!  ;)

11.  What is your best feature/body part/characteristic?  Tough questions T!  I am not good at answering these types of questions.  I would say as far as characteristics go I think I am a damn good friend.  I love my friends deeply, feature/body part?  My hair.  I have nice hair.  Its super thick, keeps me warm in the winter like a shawl.  I love it ;)

12.  If you could learn to do anything what would it be?  Make amazing cakes. I have been watching the Next great baker... looks so fun!

I don't think I have 12 readers to tag, LOL!  So... I will just say if you are reading this you are tagged!  ;)  Here are my 12 questions.

1.  When was the last time you cried?
2.  What is your favorite ice cream?
3.  What is the first thing you notice about another person?
4.  Last movie you watched?  Was it any good?
5.  Favorite workout song?
6.  If you could meet anyone living or dead who would it be and why?
7.  What is something you have learned over the last week?
8.  When was the last time you were really nervous?
9.  Last thing you ate?
10.  Your favorite recipe?
11.  Favorite electronic device?
12.  What time is your bed time?

Have fun!!!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Alter ego

The other night while trying to fall asleep my mind started going.  This used to be pretty normal for me but as of late the second my head hits the pillow I am out so it was pretty strange that I was having a hard time falling asleep.  I was writing this post in my head.

Saturday when I was at lunch with some of my competitor friends one of them was telling us the greatest story.  She was telling us about how she had created this alter ego the night before and how fun it was for her to be "someone else" and step out of her comfort zone.  She is hilarious and it was so fun to hear about her wild night! It got me thinking.  Do you have an alter ego?  Is there something in your life that you do that maybe makes you feel like you get to be someone else for a day?

We all have fears.  We all have things that make us uncomfortable.  Most of my life I have been shy.  Super shy.  I have always hated being the center of attention, I have always been really quiet and would rather sit in the back of a classroom and hide.  I HATE being called on for things, and I absolutely am petrified of speaking in front of people.  ALL. MY. LIFE.  These are fears that I have no desire to conquer. There are other fears that I have attempted to get over.  My fear of water.  Open water.  I got scuba certified.  And I haven't been since.  I am still terrified of open water.  Hey, I tried.

Those who know me really well have said to me "I can't believe you compete!  I just never pictured you doing that because you are so shy!"  Every time I hear that I nod.  I agree with them.  I can't believe I do it either.  I have decided that the competitor in me is my alter ego!   It is ONE day that I don't have to be me.  I get to be someone else.  We just share the same name... most of the time... depending on the announcer.  Sometimes I am Kernie Brown.  She is fierce!  When I am on that stage, I feel good, I know that I worked my hiney off to be there.  I am not mom, I am not wife... I am just a competitor and I am accomplishing something that I have dedicated months of my life for.

I still get nervous every show, I still feel like I am going to throw up seconds before walking out onto that stage but the feeling that I get when I finally do it... is indescribable!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Oh Baby!!!

I can't believe I haven't blogged about this yet.  My BFF had her "mystery baby" on Jan 3rd.  This was her 3rd, she already has one boy and one girl so she decided to keep this one a surprise, hence the "mystery"!  It was so fun to not know all this time and to get that sweet text from her saying "Its a girl".  I am so excited for her and her husband, and I finally got to meet Presley a week later.  She is absolutely precious.  Teresa has the CUTEST babies (aside from my own of course) on the planet.  They are all born with the most amazing head of blonde hair.  Presley's was a little darker blonde than her other two.  She is sooo teeny and smells so amazing.  I can't wait to hold her again!

This year will be an exciting year for our family in the baby category anyways.... my nephew and his wife are expecting TWINS... we were all so shocked and so so excited especially when we found out they were both GIRLS and they have a 2 year old girl already.  Oh my nephew LOVES girls and all the drama they bring.  Ha ha!  So excited to meet these two precious gifts.

I absolutely LOVE being an Aunt, and love being a Great Aunt even more.  I have been an Aunt since I was 6 so some of my nieces and nephews feel more like brothers and sisters to me, being a great Aunt is the best!  The other day I went to my sisters to pick up my son, and her Grand babies (two of my great nieces) were there.  I poked my head around the corner and said "oh my goodness two of my favorite girls are here" and they both came running (well one was running, the other crawling at the speed of light) straight to my arms and gave me big hugs.  I LOVE it.  Keep em coming guys!  I love me some babies!

Saturday, January 21, 2012


Seriously... don't know how you working mom's do it all.  I just can't seem to find time to keep up with everything and I only work part time.  I am sure I will get myself on a good routine but as it is now the only time I have time to blog is when my kids are in bed... and by then... I am in bed... or passed out on the couch!!!!!  It has become hard for me to stay up past 9 lately.

Today it is Saturday and although I have had a busy day it has been great and I found myself with a little extra time to blog so here goes.  Today I met up with a few of my friends that I met competing for lunch.  We went for sushi.  It was great.  I haven't had sushi in so long and was really craving it and the company... well it was amazing.  It is just so nice and refreshing to sit down for a meal with people who really get you.  People who live the same way you do, (eat, train, sleep, and start over) and who have the same struggles, the same goals, the same passions and the same desire to shove their face full of peanut butter and chocolate :)  I am so grateful to have met them and love seeing them.

So this last week has been pretty rough.  I have found that eating has been a little more difficult.  I was craving naughty things.  Big time.  I was bloated to the point of discomfort every single day, and just feeling really "off".  WELL... today my lovely Aunt Flo paid me a visit A WEEK AND A HALF EARLY.  What the heck?  That explains the uncontrollable desire to live off this all week....

Reeses Puffs = PUFFY... GET IT TOGETHER Kerryne!

I am starting my last week of phase 2 in Jamie Eason's livefit trainer on Monday.  When I finish up with this phase I will be exactly 8 weeks out from my show.  I think what I will do is do phase 3 twice.  That will bring me to show day and hopefully a leaner, meaner package to present on stage.  I have already noticed just in this 4 weeks some muscle gains.  My upper body is sculpting pretty nicely.  My legs (though not lean enough) have more muscle definition in them.  I can see the slight cuts coming through.  I am hoping that as I lean down the muscle will really pop!  My abs look fantastic first thing in the morning, but as I eat and drink they don't look quite as cut throughout the day.  All in all, I feel like I am ahead of where I was last show prep at this stage and really hope to dial it all in over the next NINE weeks.  EEEKS!  I am starting to get excited!!!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I can't come up with a good title.

Just a quick little update... I am feeling much better.  The pain I was having in my chest eased up over the course of a few days.  It bothered me a little when I was at the gym and really huffing and puffing but I can say that now the pain is gone.  Completely.  Phew!  I am guessing it was probably just a pocket of liquid or air that got trapped.  Who knows.  If it happens again I will be seeing a Dr.

So I haven't really talked much about my new job yet.  I am really enjoying it though.  Everyone is super nice, and did you know I work with the one and only JANETHA?  I know... I am so luck!  It has been really fun to get to know her, and honestly the people that work there are all so much fun.  The hours are so perfect for me, my training, and my family it is just unreal how everything just sort of happened at the right time.

I am currently on week 3 of Phase 2 in the Livefit Trainer.  I love this program.  I am really loving being back in the weight room, and though some days I talk myself out of going to the gym 80 times before I actually go, I GO... and when I am there I am SO glad to be there.  Its something that just makes me feel so good.  Now if I could only nail the eating... ugh... I do pretty well most days but there are days...

I will have more comp prep updates for you next week, and possibly another addition to my "life" posts.  Just wanted to do a quick little update!

Sunday, January 8, 2012


Hey guys!!!

I can't believe it is ALREADY Sunday evening.  I am not ready for my weekend to be over.  I don't know what it is about having a job that suddenly makes your days (weekends) FLY on by without really accomplishing much.  I had big plans to get my house cleaned from top to bottom this weekend.  I didn't even clean the top.  Or the bottom.  Ugh.

Friday afternoon while I was at work I got this sharp pain on the left side of my chest.  It was pretty intense.  Every time I took a deep breath or moved suddenly I would feel this shooting pain.  Kind of scared me.  I came home and figured it would go away.  Boy was I wrong.  It got SO much worse throughout the evening.  At one point I was in tears.  I slept (or more like attempted to sleep) with a heating pad on my chest... I ended up having to skip the gym Saturday morning which really REALLY bummed me out but if I can't even take a deep breath how in the heck am I gonna get my sweat on.  Anyway, throughout the day it seemed to feel better. Now it only hurts when I laugh really good (which I did a lot of that on Saturday night) or when I take a really deep breath.  I have no clue what is wrong with me.  I have read what it could be, and have talked to siblings who have given me their opinion so at this point I am just hoping that each day it hurts less and less.  I have a hot date with the gym tomorrow morning so I need it to be gone by then ;)

We did however get SNOW... about 6 inches of it at my house.  I was SO not expecting it either.  All last week the weather was simply gorgeous.  Warm-ish even!  Saturday morning snow.  It looked like how Christmas morning SHOULD have looked!

This weekend was really fun!  We had a family party (my side of the family) to celebrate a few things.  My Dad's birthday, Christmas (better late than never), and my Dad's retirement!  We all went to my sister's house for dinner and games.  My family is huge.  I have 4 brothers (3 living) and 4 sisters, then you throw in the in laws and a million kids and its a mad house.  A fun mad house!  Lots of kids running around, lots of laughing, and lots of jokes!  My sister mentioned that her son (my nephew Jayce who is 8) has always wanted to know what it was like to have a pie in his face.  Well..... say no more.. we didn't have pie but we had cake and lots of it.  So we called him over and had a little fun with him.  Ha ha!  We made him close his eyes and then this happened!

I think he really liked it!  Ha ha!  He is a good sport!

On the workout front things are going really well (aside from my unplanned days off this weekend).  I am loving throwing around weights again, and I am actually enjoying my cardio time too!  Nothing feels better than a good workout!

Tomorrow starts a new week!  Bring. It. On!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

On the move again....

If you are getting sick and tired of these posts I apologize.  I needed to change things up a bit.  I was boring myself!  This one will have pictures, as per your requests.  Lots of them.  All of our really ancient pictures are somewhere in a bin in the garage that is why I didn't include any in my previous posts!

This is a continuation of In the beginning (part 1), and (part 2) And then there were three

So there we were.... moving again.  This time to Lancaster California, but it wasn't permanent.  It was just basically for training and then we would be moving overseas.  OVERSEAS?  I thought moving To El Paso, TX was scary... now we were going to a foreign country?  Is this some kind of sick joke?  There are a few things you need to know about me.  I do NOT like change.  I do NOT like change and I DO NOT like change.  I also have a MAJOR fear of the unknown.  Oh well.... off we go...

California was a very quick 7 months, and then we were preparing for our travels to Cyprus.  I was really not excited at all about this move. I had a bad attitude.  I felt like I was sick and tired of following my husband around the world.  Remember all the things I loved about him when we first started dating?  Yeah... well I didn't love those things so much anymore.  I wanted him to romance me, I wanted him to shower me with affection.  But that just wasn't the way he was, and I knew that going into this marriage.  We were still pretty young, and both very immature.  I know this now but then of course I was always right... and so was he.  Kind of a problem.  A problem that would haunt us for a long time.

He went ahead of us to Cyprus to find a place for us to live.  We were apart for about a month.  We would be living in Limassol.  I remember the week before I was leaving the anxiety really hit me and I was THIS CLOSE to saying forget it, I am staying here.  He can come visit us.  I was so scared.  But... I got on the plane.  By myself.  With a 4 year old and a 1 year old.  KILL ME.  It was the LONGEST 24 hours of my entire life.  I swear I had to hold my pee for 10 hours because there was no way I could manage two kids and myself in a little bathroom the size of a closet.  The one time I thought I could sneak away because both were asleep I literally shut the door and was about to squat when my son started screaming my name.  UGH.  When we finally arrived in Cyprus I literally said to my husband whom I hadn't seen in a month "Don't you even think about touching me, and if you EVER make me do this again I will kill you".  Little did I know I would be making this trip several times... alone... and he is still alive!  Go figure!  My kids actually got really good at traveling!  But then again they didn't really have a choice.

The first 5 or so months in Cyprus, I was pretty determined to be miserable. I HATED the food, hated the language (its all Greek to me), the smells, the inconveniences it all just sucked.   I HATED moving, hated starting over and hated making new friends.    It isn't that I was anti-social, I was just incredibly shy and I have to admit I was/am somewhat of a homebody.  I was the kind of girl that had a few very close friends and that was it, and I was okay with that.  Boy were things about to change, for the better in my life.  I decided that I could either sit around feeling sorry for myself or I could embrace this experience.  I could embrace this culture.  Little did I know that the next 4 years of my life would be some of the best I've ever had!  I met many locals, had a few great friends that were from England and us Americans that were there?  We became family.  I love them all so much.  I never knew until this point in my life how important it was for me to have strong women in my life.  I am very blessed to still call them some of my best friends to this very day. I could spend an eternity telling you all about how amazing our experience was.  The things we saw, the places we went, the amazing people we were fortunate to get to know but I know you have other things to do.  Here are some pictures, just a glimpse of Cyprus.  I had to make collages because I literally have THOUSANDS of photos from that 4 years of our lives. Oh and by the way.. the food... totally grew on me and it is now one of the things I miss most about that place!  I also miss my little princess speaking Greek, and the cute little accent she developed while going to school there.  She spoke Greek fluently, to her toys, to neighbors, locals at the grocery store and at school.  Since moving back to the states she has forgotten most of it. 

The kids with some friends, some of our first times at the beach... where we eventually ended up spending all of our summers and most of the rest of the year too!

Family time, hiking in the Troodos Mountains to see the waterfall, the Zoo, horseback riding

Some of MANY girls night out, and holidays!  I seriously LOVE these ladies!  Never had more fun in my life!

Sometimes we LET the guys come out with us!  Dancing, Karaoke, dinner, and also many poker nights!  

Rock Climbing (my favorite), Scuba Diving (conquering my biggest fear), and touring Greece with my husband!

My kids with friends, in school plays, and just having a blast!

Beach, waterpark, and snorkeling!  Pretty much sums up our 4 years!

Our trip to Germany.  My in laws met us there and we had such a great time!

This has been a long one but that is because in this 4 years of my life I learned so much about myself.  I feel like this is truly when I came out of my shell.  I never realized until this time in my life how important it was to have good friends.  Yes, I have had MANY great friends in my life but until then I think I probably took those friendships for granted.  I truly learned so much, and will NEVER forget this time in my life or the people who blessed it!