Pet PEEVE

This is probably one of the hardest posts I have thought of writing in a long time. Its been something that I think about ALL the time but getting it out properly is really HARD! I will do my best.

Fitness. Its obvious that it is something that I am passionate about, something that I love and believe in BUT IT DOES NOT DEFINE ME. I have other hobbies, other interests, other things that I would like to talk about. I sometimes just feel like it is ALL anyone ever wants to talk to me about. I get their curiosity, their desire to learn more about it but honestly... sometimes I DREAD going to certain things because I am just so sick and tired of talking about it and giving "advice" or suggestions to people who ask for it over and over and over and OVER again but really have no intentions of doing anything about their lifestyle or situation. I am sure some of you can relate... I am not a personal trainer, I do not have my certifications (YET) but I know what I know and I love to help people and see them succeed. I do not however love answering the same questions from the same people every time I am around them KNOWING that I will be doing it again next time I see them. Does that make sense? The other thing that REALLY gets to me is hearing people complain about their weight, or situation yet they are not really willing to make any changes. If you are going to complain about it, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If you are going to ask for my advice or help over and over again, TRY IT OUT and see if it helps you.

I guess I just feel like people honestly don't think I have other interests. I do. I swear. I do however LOVE helping people who REALLY want the help and who are really taking it all in, and seeing results. I have a friend who I have been helping and to see her losing the weight week after week has been so amazing for me. I am so proud of her. She has been inspiring me and keeping me focused on what is ahead.

Do any of you ever feel this way? Maybe I am just being overly sensitive lately because I am lacking carbs and jealous that as they are asking me for advice they are stuffing their faces ;) Ha ha ha! Anyway, its just something that has been weighing on my mind.

What are some of your pet peeves? I have many others. For another post!

More to come...

I AM EXHAUSTED. THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY RIGHT NOW.

I promise to have way more exciting things to talk about this weekend. Like the bedroom swap.

Until then... just know that I am probably gagging down egg whites or chicken, and hating every second of it, forcing myself to go to the gym and do stupid cardio and hating every second of it, and all around flipping TIRED.

:)

Deja vu

Deja vu...

So here I am... TEN days out from my next comp. I am struggling. Not even going to try and lie. I took Sunday off to enjoy a few things that I wanted (a big fat sandwich... so good) and a couple of sweets. Then came Monday... I tried to get right back on my meal plan. Wasn't as easy as I had planned. I did however get my two cardio sessions in. Tuesday snuck right on by and although I didn't really "cheat" I wasn't really perfect either. I was only able to get in about 30 minutes of cardio plus Bodypump. UGH.

Today is Wednesday. I really only have one week of cardio's to get this body BETTER than it was last weekend. I am going to get my two cardio sessions in and I PROMISE that today I will be back on my diet. I threw away anything that may tempt me. My main focus is on cardio right now. After seeing the professional pictures (whoop) from the show this is what I realized. I was definitely the most "muscular" in my class. I worked so hard building for two years for Figure that even though my muscles are not as full as they were they are still there. My legs weren't lean enough. My upper body seemed comparable to the first and second place girls but their legs looked longer and leaner. I have muscular legs (that's the dancer in me) and no matter what I do they will continue to be muscular so I just need to focus on leaning them out. Someday I will have the legs I have always dreamed of.

So there you have it, my honest week. Ugh... time to kick this bootay! I can't wait until the professional pictures come. He took some really great backstage photo's. I am stoked about them!

Show pictures

Pictures... finally... there will be more... eventually but for now, enjoy!!!!

Now what?

Comps over... so now what?

Well... I'll just do another one ;) Actually my plan was to do the NGA show (Saturday) and follow it with the NPC show in two weeks (Oct 8th). I have gone back and forth with whether or not to do this show for a few reasons. One is because its a little expensive, and secondly my husband could be out of town that weekend, and a couple of times in between which makes training a little more difficult with the kids. However... why not? I feel like I should just get it done, its the last show here until Spring, I am already ready, and with a couple of more weeks to prep (especially after the carb coma I am in today) I should be able to come in a little leaner, a little better!

So here we go again. I let myself be relaxed with my eating Sunday but here it is Monday morning and I am back at it. Cleaning up my diet even more than before, hitting the gym twice and making sure that I don't leave any room for failure, I want to WIN this time!

I PROMISE there will be more pictures. PROMISE!!!! I am dying to see them too... just waiting on emails!

Show day!

Hey guys!!!!!!!

I love the comments on my last couple of posts. Your support means the world to me. So... let us recap about the show shall we? I didn't get nearly enough pictures. I was so nervous that I think I forgot I even had a camera! I do however have pics of me floating around from other peoples camera's so when they get here I will post more I promise!

Friday was so crazy busy, I was all over town. Got my nails done first thing. I went to the mall to get a few last minute details (jewelry), came home, prepped food for the next two days, got kids home from school, went and got my gel toes done, came home and had to take the kids to their school carnival at which I found out the my precious little daughter has been spreading the rumor that I am a bikini model around the neighborhood. A little embarrassed by that and had to explain to my neighbors what I do. I don't know why sometimes that is hard for me to explain. I guess you just never know how people are going to take it, or how they will feel about what I do. Anyway, we got home around 7:30 and I was off to start prepping for the show. My sugar exfoliate, shaving and got my hair washed and blown dry (that takes for-ever!) than came the time for Pro-Tan. I did two coats and called it a night. I think I was in bed by 11 pm. It didn't last though...

Morning of: My alarm was set for 4:45 am, and 5:00 am. I woke up WIDE AWAKE at 1:30 am. WIDE AWAKE. I tried to force myself back to sleep but it just didn't work. So, I did what any normal person would do and I got up! I got my hair curled with my hot curls, and started applying makeup. Then... I played Spider solitaire on the computer. Finally around 3 am I started thinking I should go lay down until my alarms go off. I would regret it if I didn't. Turns out I regretted it for DOING it. I fell asleep. I woke up on my own, reached over for my phone to check the time 7:09.............. SEVEN OH NINE! I screamed and FLEW like a crazy person out of bed. I needed to leave my house by 7:45 to get to check ins by 8:30. CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP..... I rushed to the bathroom and started frantically applying my Ultra 1 (by the way, this stuff is absolutely amazing!). That didn't take long at all and I was DARK! I looked in the mirror to see how my now slept on makeup looked. One eye survived. The other? Not so much. So, I reapplied a little makeup, threw my hair in a clip, loaded up the car and was out the door at 7:42. WOW.

I arrived to the venue right on time, found parking and was in line to check in by 8:30. It was a very small show, my guess is under 40 competitors. There were 5 girls in my class. They split us up to make the classes more even, I ended up being put in the short class when I should have been in the medium class. Each one had 5 or 6 girls and only the top 3 placed. I was SO nervous that I couldn't eat most of the day. I hate that I get that way when I compete. I wish there was something I could do to calm me down before I go on stage. I was number 22, and the second girl out in my class. We entered stage right, had to walk to the left corner, pose, walk to the right corner, pose and then to the center to do a front and back pose. I felt like I did pretty good on my posing other than the fact that I was shaking like a freaking leaf. Ha ha. We then lined up for comparisons. I got moved around a bit but ended up in the middle. The girls to either side of me looked fab. On my left was the over all winner from the last show and on my right was this teeny tiny little blonde. Cute girls, young girls. Man I felt old. Anyhow, I figured I was in the top 3 but being that I was in the middle I was under the impression that I was in first or second. In fact that is what EVERYONE thought. I heard it the second I walked off stage from everyone who saw. I came home during the break (well actually I had to drive to timbuktu to pick up our sitter for the night) then I came home... and just got a little bit of stuff done, practiced posing, caught the husband up on the judging and headed back for the night show!

Me with my old trainer... (as in he trained me a few years ago, not that he is old)

Night show: Most of the people who were supposed to come watch couldn't make it so I was feeling a little bummed, but here is who did show up... my husband, his brother, my mom and sister Shontell, and my best friend and her sister. I even had a friend or two from high school come watch! The crowd was loud and fun and the night show I really felt like I was more comfortable on stage. Didn't shake nearly as bad. I still hadn't eaten much and was starting to feel a little sick to my stomach. They had all kinds of food backstage for us to eat. Pizza, crackers, M&Ms, fruit and some veggies. I grabbed a few cucumbers and nibbled on those throughout the night. So I ended up getting THIRD place. I am okay with that, of course I would have loved to have taken home the first place trophy but I am happy with my placing. I left during intermission. I was so weak and thirsty and hungry at that point and so was everyone else so we just went to eat and had a few laughs. My sisters favorite part was the Men's bodybuilding. She will never admit it but I would have KILLED to have watched her face while they were up there shaking their stuff ;) She is a funny lady! So glad she came out even though she wasn't feeling very well. Its a different world... this competing stuff and I am so appreciative that my family supports me even if they don't understand why I do it or what I do really. Their support means the world to me.

My new lady! She sure is pretty!

I am so thankful for those who came and all of the support I have gotten from family, friends and bloggers! Here's to another trophy, another accomplished goal, another goal set (next comp is in two weeks, MAYBE!) I need to decide by tomorrow if I am going to do it or not.

Update

Well............. I am home for a bit before heading back for the night show. Prejudging went really well. I was nervous, OF COURSE and shaking like a leaf but I feel like I did well. I am pretty sure I placed top 3. I will fill you all in tomorrow sometimes and post some pics. I left my camera at the venue! Doh!

Thanks for all the support! Its been a fun journey!

xoxoxo

SHOWTIME!!!!!

I am writing this in advance, and scheduling it to post Saturday morning.

Today is the big day. My first time on stage in over a year. My first REAL bikini debut (I did a bikini comp a couple of years ago... 11 days out was when I decided to do it.. for fun. yes I am loony) that one doesn't count. This is a picture from that day. I was no where near lean enough, compared to the other girls in the line up I looked twice their size but it was a fun experience and I did it with one of my best friends!

I am sure at this point in time I have already checked in to the venue. My hair and makeup and tan are applied. I am probably exhausted because I bet I didn't sleep last night, but the day has arrived. Its hard to believe that I walked into Sandy's office 4 weeks ago, begging for some help. Some guidance. I wanted to compete but I felt SO FAR off of it. I honestly just wanted to cry when I was telling her how hard I have been trying to lose the weight I gained from Figure. I miss my old body. My younger body. My 110 pound body. I never in a million years thought that I would be ready to be on stage in four short weeks. But.. here I am. Ready or not. I get teary eyed just thinking about how hard I have worked. The sweat, the blood (okay not really) and the tears. I have spent countless hours at the gym, I have never done so much cardio in my life. My diet hasn't even been that hard. Much easier than my Figure diet that is for sure, which is why I think my mental state has been better. I don't feel like I have been THAT deprived for that long.

Tomorrow will be an update on the show, how it went, how I did, how I felt but today I just want to focus on HOW I GOT HERE. So thankful for my husband, my family and my friends. They support me 100%. I know not everyone understands why I love this sport, and what it does for me to compete but the fact that they support me means the world to me. This sport isn't for everyone and to be honest every time I compete I wonder how I got through it because I am so shy, I have the worst stage fright of anyone I know. Pushing through that fear, getting on stage, accomplishing a goal... man that feeling is INDESCRIBABLE. Thank you all for reading my blog and supporting me in my Fitness Journey!

Whoop Whoop!!!!

Peak Week Roundup

Peak Week roundup:

Monday: Started carb depletion, distilled water 1.5 gallons, cardio, cardio and weights. Tanning. Sugar shower, exfoliate with sugar to prep my skin for Fridays paint :)

Tuesday: Carb depletion continues, distilled water 1 gallon, cardio, cardio, weights. Tanning. Sugar shower!

Wednesday: Carb depletion continues (I am about to die at this point), distilled water 1 gallon, cardio, cardio, weights, tanning and sugar shower. My skin should be feeling pretty smooth and soft at this point.

Thursday: Start adding in carbs again, cutting down water to .5 to 3/4 gallons. Last cardio session in the morning, MAC to pick up foundation for show day. Found earrings. Pose, pose, pose, pose, pose.

Friday: Having carbs. Can't wait. Cut down water even more, time to tighten up. Nail appointment, Pedicure, pick up last minute food, prep food, get eyelashes, hair products, makeup, jewelry, pack up bags, TAN my brains out. I can smell the protan already. Try to relax and get ready for the show.

I haven't bothered weighing myself this week. I wanted to... just because I can see a HUGE difference in my body just from one week ago but to be honest I thought that if I stepped on that scale and it didn't say what I felt like it should it would mess with my head for the competition and I have worked too damn hard to let that happen. SO.... weight has been lost. Clothes are baggy, stuff that hasn't fit me in years... fits...

but as for that pesky number??? Still a mystery!

Been a busy week. I have never been so tired in all of my life. Yesterday the lack of carbs finally took its toll on my body and I am hoping that today I will get some rest and some much needed energy. I have a lot to do!

Here are my abs as of this morning. I know tomorrow they will look even better! I love peak week!

Two-ish days out

Progress....

That is how I feel. I feel like in four weeks I have had not only a physical but a MENTAL makeover. I feel like for the first time in a VERY long time my mind is in a very healthy place. I have talked before about having dealt with an eating disorder here. That was a very scary time in my life. I remember feeling so overwhelmed by my own inner demons at that time. I have been very open and honest on this blog with most aspects of my life. There are, of course, private issues that I have chosen not to share but when it comes to my health and fitness I am an open book. Do I fear that I could end up back in that dark "place"? Yes. Of course. But... having said that I know what my triggers are... owning a scale is one of them. I vow to NEVER own a scale. I will weigh myself when I have to, and only then will I close my eyes so I don't have to actually see. ;)

I just got back from posing at the gym. I got some great feedback from my friend and I feel better now than I did earlier. You know how carb depletion messes with you. I felt TERRIFIC yesterday and today have been TIRED as heck and literally just to scratch my nose felt like a chore. The joys. Tomorrow means I can refuel with some good carbs.

Two days until the competition (well actually more like 1 full day and a half). Usually at this point in my prep I am DREAMING of all the crap I am going to shovel into my mouth in the weeks to come. All of the food I have been missing. Aside from a few things I really don't even feel that way. I am not dreaming of where I will eat post show, in fact I haven't even thought about it. I am not loading my bag full of crap like chocolate and things like that. I am packing it with chicken, potatoes and rice cakes. I feel SO good. I feel ready. I feel blessed.

Here's to the stage... please be kind to me :) Whoop! I will post some pictures tomorrow pre and post tan. I am super excited about getting that on my body!

Your going to do what???!!!

Conversation in the car on the way to school this morning!

Pajha: "Oh yeah mom.... I forgot to tell you that I signed up for the school talent show!"...

Me: "Oh okay, what is your talent going to be?" (enter my thoughts... dance, singing, ACTING, hula hooping, all things she is really good at).

Pajha: "I am going to play the piano" (insert crickets) "I am really good at making up my own songs mom!"

Peyton: "Pajha, you are going to embarrass yourself"

Me: "Peyton, don't be rude... but sweetie... you don't know how to play the piano. Are you sure that is what you want to do?"

Pajha: "Yes. I am good at it mom! I can make up my own songs"

Peyton: "Pajha, I REEEEEALLLLLLY don't think you should do that!"

Sigh. My daughter. Never had piano lessons... in fact we don't even OWN a piano. She is my adventurous, brave, confident little girl! I honestly don't know where she came from. I have always been PAINFULLY shy and reserved. And then there is my practical, logical, SHY, serious boy (my mini me). Total polar opposites those two! Gotta love it!

Pillow talk...

Good Morning (or afternoon, depending on where you are). I feel like this week is taking its sweet old time. Its funny because the last 3 weeks have FLOWN by me and this week, the week that matters can't end quick enough. Such is life.

I wonder if any of you can relate. Since having to up my water intake I am REALLY and I do mean really struggling to get meals in. I am SO full from water alone that I can usually only eat about half of what I would normally eat. I mean, I am not complaining because I seem to really be leaning out this last week but I am nervous how that will affect me post show, when I do want to eat again!

Today I have my two cardio sessions, plus abs, bi's and tri's, then I will go tanning, and head over to my mom's house. I need her help fixing my suit a little. Me + sewing machine = DANGEROUS. I also want her to make some pillows for my bed. We created a window treatment for our room (which by the way we are switching rooms, more later) and we have some leftover fabric that I think is absolutely beautiful so why not make some decorative pillows. Right mom? I would attempt but I know that it wouldn't go over well and be at total waste of fabric, and I am no waster ;)

Happy hump day, its mid week which means I am THREE days out! HOLY COW!

Tick, Tock....

Is it crazy that I am suddenly feeling so ready to just bust out this competition? Thinking back... a couple of weeks ago all I felt was fear, doubt, self conscious. Today... I feel like I want to get this show on the road. I feel like I am in a healthier mindset than I have ever been when competing. Let me explain. In the past I remember ALL I could think about was what I wanted to eat, how much I wanted FOOD... and I had no real plan as to how I was going to go about incorporating normal food back into my diet. I just wanted to eat EVERYTHING. IN. SIGHT. And I did. I just went with the flow which led to serious post show depression and horrible body image issues.

I don't feel that way right now. My cheat meal after the show will definitely be nice I am not gonna lie. I am looking forward to it (it being a big fat sandwich) for sure but I am not thinking about it as a "holy cow what can I stuff in my face". I plan on taking it easy and not over doing it with any food over the weekend and then Monday morning getting right back on my plan, of course allowing myself one or two "cheat" meals a week (which for me just means, not on my plan but still healthy food). I am NOT taking a week off of the gym. I think that is what always kills me. I am so addicted to working out right now. I LOVE the way it makes me feel. I plan to continue going every day and until spring when more competitions come around I plan on focusing on staying lean.

I feel like I am in a good place. Come on weekend lets do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inspired...

What a great day today is becoming. I was at the gym earlier doing some leg workouts when this 84 year old man came up to me and he says "You look great, don't ever stop taking care of yourself. I am 84 years old and I work out everyday, I still go bowling once a week, and I feel blessed!" He went on to tell me how his father was overweight, had heart and back problems and spent the remaining years of his life a couch potato. He said that INSPIRED him to take care of himself. I love that word. INSPIRED. It is such a great, positive word. I am inspired by so many people and this man is now one of them. He even gave me knuckles as he was walking away and told me to stay fit and teach my kids the importance of it.

Great way to start my day. I feel pretty good considering how exhausted I was this weekend. I saw my neighbor at the grocery store yesterday and she said that I looked exhausted. Well I was! But today I woke up full of energy. Probably because I got more than 4 hours of sleep. I have hit the gym twice and even on my carb depletion still feel pretty energetic. I have already almost had a full gallon of water and its only noon. That never happens. That is probably the one thing I am worst at. WATER, well that and sneaking little bites of my kids cereal! Ha ha!

Crunch time baby! Time to shower and do some posing!

Peak Week

This whole not sleeping thing is really getting on my nerves.

I am exhausted.

You would think that I would crash the second my head hits the pillow after fifteen gym sessions in one day.

Instead, I toss.... and I turn... and I pose.... and I walk.... and I pose (all in my head of course, not in my bed.... yet).

It. Is. Ridiculous.

Yet, put me on a couch around 2 pm and I am out like a light.

Insomnia... one more week and you better disappear!

The worst part is... when I FINALLY do fall asleep around 1 or later I am up, WIDE awake at 6 am. WTH is wrong with me? This was AFTER taking melatonin to eventually fall asleep and I was awoken with a headache. Just kill me now!

On a happier note, tomorrow begins peak week. This is THE only part (aside from getting on stage) that I actually look forward to in prep. This is the week where everything that you have worked your hiney off for... shows. The week where dramatic, yes very dramatic things happen to your body. You wake up with a perfect 6 pack, your skin looks tight and firm, its the most amazing thing EVER!

Yay for peak week!

SeVeN

Seven.... SeVeN.... SEVEN days until showtime!!!

I am down another 2 lbs this week. I am okay with that. Hoping that peak week drops me enough to make me feel more than okay with that! I can't believe its almost here. You know that feeling where you just can't really "picture" the day? Like for most people its probably their wedding day... not mine... it was in the courthouse... there was nothing fancy about it... a few family members and a best friend... but for most people... the anticipation for the day I would IMAGINE was unimaginable. That is how this feels. I can't even imagine walking on stage, seems crazy to me! I never can imagine it and than when its over its like "WHOA... I really just did that...." its over so fast! Blink of an eye. Like a dream. Maybe that is what keeps me wanting to do it. The adrenaline, the excitement, the anticipation, the prep, the torture, the "I will kill you if you eat that cookie in front of me"... all of it... simply indescribable!

I am ready.

I can do this.

I will not fall.

I will get that sandwich.

And that cookie.

In one week.

That... makes me happy! :) Happy Saturday!

One, two, three, four....

Two a days, three a days, maybe even four... who's counting? I'm not because if I did I would probably cry. I am exhausted and I honestly can't wait to get the next week over with so I can get on that stage! I look forward to next Friday. That is when it all becomes real again... the tan will be applied (my fav part) I will wake up Saturday morning to see all of the hard work I have been doing finally pay off (I hope). My diet has been the same for the last 3 week, we tweeked it a bit last week because I had only lost two pounds the first two weeks. I weigh in again tomorrow (scared to death) and see if the tweekage has helped. I feel a difference but the scale hates me so we will see!

My food hasn't been too hard but I would by lying if I said that I was 100% perfect in my eating. I do my best and I am most days pretty dang close to 100% but there are days... when you just need that little handful of cereal or that little piece of chocolate, you know just a little reward for all your hard work. I feel like I am at the gym more than I am home. That really to me is very sad. I know its because I really didn't give myself the prep time I should have. I came in late to the game so I am working extra hard to not make a fool of myself! What can I say? I want another one of these to add to my "trophy case"...

My ladies, aren't they pretty?

My sweeeeet sword... with which I did catch my husband playing with a time or two, they never really grow up. He had it mounted and got a copy made of the plaque to place on it!

This week has been a blast though. I have tried a few new to me classes at the gym just to get that extra push and have really gotten my butt kicked. Lets see... I did the Bootcamp class, which was awesome! It kicked my white bubble butt! I also did a class last night called Total Body Conditioning. HOLY COW... why did no one warn me? We had to do everything in hundreds.

• We started with a weighted bar and had to do 100 walking lunges around the room, every time we paused or had to stop to rest we would have to drop our weights and do 20 squats. I DID NOT want to do that so I pushed all the way through my hundred, my butt was cramping up but I was not wanting the punishment.
• We then did 100 shoulder press, again... every time we had to stop and rest we had to pull out 20 side raises with dumbbells. I will not admit how many times I had to rest. My neck kept tightening up and it was painful!
• After that I think we had to do 100 squats with the barbell, punishment was plyo lunges. I pushed through the entire 100 on that one. My legs are strong. They have had to carry this booty around long enough ;)
• We did Bicep curls with bar (100), punishment was alternating biceps with dumbbell
• Finally we did some ab work, laying on mat, holding bar straight above you and doing leg raises. Punishment was sit ups.

Kicked my trash!

I went in early this morning and did some cardio, and I am about to head out and try another new to me class called Powertone. I have heard that I should be afraid. And I am. Tonight its BodyCombat, whoop whoop... my fav!

Hugs!

Source

I have to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the sweet, amazing, thoughtful comments on my last post! I honestly needed to hear everything that was said to me! It was like getting a few big hugs, and everyone needs a big hug sometimes!!!!

... the week is almost over. Do you know what that means? That means I am getting closer and closer to dusting off my heels and stepping (hopefully not falling) on that stage. YIKES! I am getting more excited now that my suit is here and my tanning supplies have arrived! I am starting to lean a little like I wanted to so hopefully that keeps on happening! Besides being grumpy and exhausted I am feeling pretty good. I don't sleep well due to my thoughts, I mostly lay there in bed and practice my posing in my head all night. During the day I usually feel really great until about 2 pm, that's when I crash and usually end up asleep wherever I am at, and by 5 or so I feel pretty good again! Oh I can't wait to get this tan on. Is that weird? It just makes everything look so dang good!

I get asked this DAILY. "So, what are you craving? What do you want most after the show?". That is a REALLY hard question to ask someone who is starving :) Actually there are really only TWO things that I can think of right now that I would sell my youngest child for (kidding) a big fat Turkey avocado and swiss sandwich on thick wheat bread (Great Harvest) loaded with mayo, lettuce and tomato! AND.... a HUGE and I am talking the size of my head huge Chocolate chip cookie.... warm... maybe topped with ice cream.. mmmm... a pizookie! Now, cereal is a real close third. I love cereal and it is something that I have found every competitor I know craves during prep, but I want me some bread baby!

Source

Source

For those of you who do compete, what is it that you crave most during prep?

Hopeless in SLC

Humph!

I think... considering... I have been pretty dang nice. For example when my husband went grocery shopping with me I didn't rip his head off when he grabbed TWO bags of chips and threw them in the cart (I NEVER, EVER buy them because they call my name). I also didn't RIP his head off like I wanted to when he went down the street and came home with a cookies and cream shake. I was nice. Instead I went to BodyCombat... TWICE in one day and beat the crap out of him. The other night while they sat around (they being my hubby and kids) eating PIZZA while I ate my chicken salad I didn't even punch his brains out when he said "Just have a piece, give yourself a cheat meal"... Ummmmm... yeeeeaaahhhhh right at two weeks out? The nerve.

Today I am exhausted. My carbs are pretty low anyway, but I have been in panic mode and trying to get in as much gym time as possible. This morning I ran 4 miles at 6:30 am, then I went to BodyPump at 9:45, I then got a bodywrap done because I have two left and thought what the heck it can't hurt, oh but that's not all, I also hit up the BootCamp class at 5:30. I napped in between, pretty much all day. I still feel MILES away from being ready to step on that stage in *gasp* 11 days... but it is happening. There is no backing out now. I am registered. Oh. Em. Gee. It sure didn't help that tonight I "tried on" the suit for the husband and I didn't really get the reaction I was hoping for. It was more like how you going to pull this one off in ten days? What was I thinking???!!!??? I am having a moment. A... you can't do this moment... A what in the world were you thinking moment. I think that in the next week I better see something pretty drastic happen in order for me to feel confident on that stage. I know that once the tan is on you already look a million times better but I don't know if a million times better is good enough.

Tomorrow is a new day.. a new BodyCombat packed day where I can beat the crap out of whoever I feel like. I am hoping that will get rid of some of this frustration.

Psyched Out!

Competing isn't all glamorous. What? It's NOT!

There is SO much that goes into it, stuff that most people probably don't even realize. When I am getting ready to compete I always hit this wall at about 2 1/2 weeks out, its when all I can think about is the poses, the stage presence, the walk, the shoes, FALLING, the suit, the tan, THE COMPETITION. I get myself so psyched out that I get close to talking myself out of doing the show. I do this EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! I worry so much about who I might have to stand on that stage next to and then I get really insecure. I don't sleep because the second I lay down I am posing in my head, walking, smiling at the judges, suck in your gut, stick your butt out! ACK! I swear one of these nights my husband will wake up to me smiling my brains out and posing in my sleep.

It takes over my mind. Last week I hit this wall. Wednesday I had myself talked out of it. I can just wait until October I kept telling myself. Give myself an extra two weeks. I felt bloated, pasty, and not at all, not even CLOSE to stage ready. That night I had this seminar that I was going to. It was a posing/competition seminar and it really helped me to just get out of this funk I was in. Seeing some other competitors, talking with them, realizing that we ALL were feeling the same made me feel more "normal" I guess. Friday I had a private posing session with Sandy Hancock. She is incredible. She is beautiful. Anyway, she really really helped me to figure out what looked natural for ME, not what everyone else would do but what I looked good doing. We figured out a posing "routine" and she was so sweet and complimentary and just really made me feel like I can do this. She made me feel ready! Gads, I hope I am ready! LOL!

Registration has been mailed. YIKES. I am two weeks out and scared out of my mind but so excited at the same time! Anyway, here is a little checklist of what I do to prepare for a comp. Just to give you an idea of what it really entails and what you will want to take with you to the show!

• You need a bikini, very important :)
• Tanning supplies, unless you plan to have someone spray you professionally. I have found the best results for ME are to do a couple to a few coats of ProTan the night before a show and the morning of apply a coat of JanTana Ultra 1. This stuff is DARK, it goes on a mahogony color. It dries quickly and will last a few shows. I spent about $60 on my tanning stuff (compared to $90-125 for a professional spray tan per show) and it will last at least 2-3 comps. Do not tan your face. EVER. It looks awful. Just get a dark foundation, a couple shades lighter than your tan and use bronzer. Looks more natural!
• Along with tanning you want your skin to be exfoliated. I have in the past used the JanTana skin prep but I learned at the seminar I went to that you can use SUGAR, and from what I hear it works better than anything else. Shower, turn the water off and use about 1/2 cup of sugar, rub it all over and keep rubbing until it dissolves. Rinse off. Repeat every day the week you start tanning. I will do this next Monday until Friday! Can't wait to try it out!
• You need to register for the show (two weeks in advance at the latest), and you need to get your Athlete card (whether its NGA or NPC or another organization). Some shows will allow you to purchase the cards on show day!
• Shoes. VERY important. They have to be clear, 4-5 inch heels. No platforms
• Bikini Bite. Also very important. This glues your suit to you so that you don't have anything popping out to say hello!
• Hair/Makeup is so crucial, it all plays into your stage presence and overall look. Make sure you don't do anything crazy right before a show. No major hair cuts or colors that might affect your confidence. I always wear mine down, with loose curls. Makeup should be stage makeup, more dramatic than what you normally wear but you don't want it too overpowering. I tend to play up my eyes and leave the lips soft with a little color but lots of shine. EYELASHES are a must. Be sure to bring hairspray, curling iron, and a brush or whatever you may need for touch ups with you.
• I like to have my hair done and most of my makeup applied before checking in that morning, gives me one less thing to stress out about. Two less things I guess! ;)
• Jewelry. I always wear my wedding band with a pretty bracelet and some bling earrings. With Bikini I may wear more than one bracelet but you do want to make sure that it goes with your suit.
• Vaseline, listen... when you are dehydrated and you are on stage for who knows how long and you are smiling the ENTIRE TIME your lips tend to stick to your dry teeth. Making your smile look a little freaky. I have pics to prove it. I learned to put Vaseline on my teeth just before heading out so that doesn't happen. Best. Advice. Ever.
• You want some kind of oil to give you just a little shine on stage. In the past I have always used PAM cooking spray. It worked great for Figure but for bikini they don't want you so shiny so I am looking for something as we speak.
• Something easy to slip in and out of that won't wreck your tan. A lot of girls wear robes around backstage. I usually wear a pair of loose pants (loose and baggy cotton pants) and a zip up jacket. Easy on, easy off.
• A pair of flip flops to wear around back stage
• A towel to sit on
• I always bring my Ipod so that I can relax and clear my mind
• You want to have your meals prepared and packed for the show day
• water for sipping

I am sure there are a million other things I could list. Little things but these are the most important. I learned a couple of little "tips" at the seminar last week. One of the most common problems we girls come across when competing is the water splotches on our tan from using the bathroom. UGH right? Well it was recommended that we get a paper cup, cut out the bottom and use it like a funnel, no water spots, no splashing... NO TOUCHUPS... brilliant!

Any of you have any additional tips/tricks to add???

God Bless America!

I have struggled with whether or not to post anything today. I have written/unwritten a post countless times. I could tell you where I was, and what I was doing and how this day affected me personally but I think that all I need to say is that I don't believe that there was one person that was not affected by this tragedy. It hangs heavy on my heart and I believe it always will. I am thankful to live in this country. I am thankful for my husband for serving our Country, and I am thankful for all those men and women who fight for our freedom every day. Let us not forget. Let us also appreciate Firefighters and police officers who risk their lives every day to help others. God Bless America!

Vogue...

HOWDY!

I know your all DYING to know... the tooth is out. BIG SIGH OF RELIEF. After gagging at her every time she talked to me for an entire day she was playing outside when suddenly the tooth was sitting on her lip. I can only imagine how hilarious it was when she looked at her cousin and said "I sink my toof fell out" through gritted teeth. Oh the joy that little sweet pea brings to my life!

Until the next one.....

I met with my posing coach today and we figured out my posing routine. I feel SO MUCH BETTER now I just have to practice. I have hit my poses at least 200 times today. I walk into a room with my sexy swagger and pose, pose, pose (vogue)! Ha ha... my husband is going to think I have lost my mind. I have to get them nailed into my brain. I am so afraid that out of habit I will walk out and nail my figure poses instead of the bikini poses. Wouldn't that be embarrassing? Now the joy of wearing my stripper shoes while I vacuum, wash dishes and sweep... in my sweats! Hot, I know! Just the hour I wore them today my arches were cramping up. Owie! Must get re-acquainted with them :)

I finally ordered my suit today too. It honestly has been so hard for me to really decide on one but this one I just kept coming back to. I will show you... but not yet! I just feel like it is me! I can't wait to get it. I HOPE it fits okay.. two weeks to go! Whoop!

Stage Fright!

I think this has been the busiest week I have had in a very very long time. I feel so guilty that I have been gone so much. My husband gets home and I leave... and don't return until 9 pm. Its killing me. Tonight is the last night I will be doing that to him, I swear!!! ;)

I have been busy with fun things though. Tuesday night I went to Boot camp with my sister, Wednesday night I went to a competition/posing seminar hosted by Sandy Hancock of Body By Sandy. That was probably the best thing I could have done in this prep. I woke up Wednesday morning feeling really "blah". It should be my TOM although last month it never came and this month I spotted for a few days last week and now... nothing... (don't worry, I am NOT pregnant). Its probably a combination of diet, exercise and the birth control pills I am on. Anyway, I woke up feeling achy, bloated, you know just crappy. I felt like I had gained 10 pounds over night. I felt like I was no where near ready for a stage in *gasp* less than three weeks. I DID NOT want to get up in my bikini in front of who knows how many other competitors and pose. I DID NOT want to do it. So I did what I felt better about doing. I wore biker shorts and a sports bra, HA! Take that wanna be TOM!

I am SO nervous you guys. I have done what... SEVEN comps but it has been over a year since I stepped on that stage. AND... this time the posing is SO different. We will be doing a 3 point walk. OH MY GOSH! I am just used to walking to the middle of the stage, posing, turning, posing and walking off. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeks! It will be okay. It will be okay! IT WILL, won't it???

So to finish off my crazy week tonight I have a bridal shower for my cousins fiance! I haven't met her yet so I am looking forward to that, plus I get to see my sisters again! BONUS!

And just in case you all were dying to know.... the drama queen in the house has yet another loose tooth... only this one.... this one practically falls out every time she talks, which is pretty dang disgusting. I actually gagged this morning when she was talking to me. She refuses to touch it though. I swear... I would just like to take her to the dentist and say pull out ALL baby teeth, lets get this over with.

Labor Day Weekend in photos

WARNING: This will be a picture heavy post. I have to share my weekend, in photo's!

Lamb's Canyon

Lamb's Canyon

A beautiful Moon!

Shelli with Franz, the Bear!

Shontell with Mr. Franz!

I had to have a snuggle too!

A tree that was FULL of shoes. Dying to know the story behind this

I couldn't resist the beautiful colors in this shot!

Perfect photo op!

A "friendship" tree

Just some pretty flowers...

Being silly with my sisters. I love how fun they are!

Shelli, trying to hit my poses and me... creating some new ones?

My silly sisters!

Just loved the colors here too!

Park City views. Breathtaking!

On a little "hike"

More colors!

More views!

Happy ME... loving this time with them!

Ha ha ha... this is a European thing I taught them!

I feel refreshed, rejuvenated, full of life, energy and.... oh what the heck, I am exhausted!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a terrific weekend in Park City, Ut with two of my sisters. We always have a great time together, we laugh, we cry, we do it all! There is nothing like our time together. We talk about anything and everything, we laugh so hard we cry (or wheez if your Shontell), we trip over air, suddenly speak a language that only WE can understand, and we get our words so MIXED up that if anyone was eavesdropping they would think we were crazy. I love it. I love them. I love our time together!

Thank you two for the amazing weekend! I look forward to the next one, and the next and the next! :) Love you!

Big brother, and my sisters

This morning I started my day off with some egg whites and broccoli, then I headed to the gym to work shoulders and catch the Body Combat class (I seriously LOVE this class). I came home thinking I would be starving and ready for lunch but I wasn't. I had a little snack and caught up on Big Brother. Can I just say how happy I am that Rachael and Jordan won Veto? I don't love Rachael but I do love Jordan! I also watched my soap and headed out to mow the lawn. It was getting pretty long, and I was in the mood to get a little sun and the weather today is honestly GORGEOUS! I then decided that my tree's were getting too long and needed to be trimmed, so I did just that! I feel like I got another workout :) Tonight I am headed to a Boot Camp class that is taught by a friend of mine, I went on Tuesday and it kicked my butt. I will take it! Busy day!

Well, I won't be able to post until next week. Why? Well since you asked its because I am leaving tomorrow for a girls weekend with two of my sisters. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. There is never a shortage of laughs, we have THE BEST time together and I won't be far. Just in Park City, we are going for Swiss days. I have never been, nor am I crafty but my sisters are both amazing. This is why I hang out with them. I pretend to "help" them make stuff and come home with some cute things ;)

We head out tomorrow night and will return on Sunday afternoon. I will take loads of pictures and hopefully run into some old friends while I am there. My only fear... staying on my diet. My hotel has no fridge in the room so I am going to prep as much as I can and take a cooler and hope that helps. I will also take my blender so I can continue enjoying my protein shakes. Obviously I will be able to get a salad or something if we go out, even egg whites so I won't go overboard but I would like to be prepared just in case! I know that food is always going to be a challenge especially when you are surrounded by people who aren't eating the way you are. BUT... I am up for it. If I can make it through this weekend staying true to my diet I can do anything! Wish me luck!