How stupid does that sound? It sounds even more stupid now that I wrote it down and could actually LOOK at it and read it out loud. S-T-U-P-I-D!
What I need to start doing is looking at the good things that came out of it. If I never started competing I would not have met so many AMAZING women. If I never started competing I would always wonder "what if". If I never started competing I would not know how good it feels to achieve goals. If I never started competing I would have never known how far I COULD go.
The fact is, it has brought the most joy and the most pain in my life. Joy that can not be replaced. A different kind of joy than what I get from my husband and my children. A feeling of accomplishment, an "I DID IT" kind of feeling. But the emotional and mental aspect of it sometimes overwhelms me and sometimes I think I just need to get it out so I can see how stupid it is and move on. So there you have it. Its out of the bag. Time to move on... to set some new goals... to love, live and enjoy every day being the best me I can be.