Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Alter ego

The other night while trying to fall asleep my mind started going.  This used to be pretty normal for me but as of late the second my head hits the pillow I am out so it was pretty strange that I was having a hard time falling asleep.  I was writing this post in my head.

Saturday when I was at lunch with some of my competitor friends one of them was telling us the greatest story.  She was telling us about how she had created this alter ego the night before and how fun it was for her to be "someone else" and step out of her comfort zone.  She is hilarious and it was so fun to hear about her wild night! It got me thinking.  Do you have an alter ego?  Is there something in your life that you do that maybe makes you feel like you get to be someone else for a day?

We all have fears.  We all have things that make us uncomfortable.  Most of my life I have been shy.  Super shy.  I have always hated being the center of attention, I have always been really quiet and would rather sit in the back of a classroom and hide.  I HATE being called on for things, and I absolutely am petrified of speaking in front of people.  ALL. MY. LIFE.  These are fears that I have no desire to conquer. There are other fears that I have attempted to get over.  My fear of water.  Open water.  I got scuba certified.  And I haven't been since.  I am still terrified of open water.  Hey, I tried.

Those who know me really well have said to me "I can't believe you compete!  I just never pictured you doing that because you are so shy!"  Every time I hear that I nod.  I agree with them.  I can't believe I do it either.  I have decided that the competitor in me is my alter ego!   It is ONE day that I don't have to be me.  I get to be someone else.  We just share the same name... most of the time... depending on the announcer.  Sometimes I am Kernie Brown.  She is fierce!  When I am on that stage, I feel good, I know that I worked my hiney off to be there.  I am not mom, I am not wife... I am just a competitor and I am accomplishing something that I have dedicated months of my life for.

I still get nervous every show, I still feel like I am going to throw up seconds before walking out onto that stage but the feeling that I get when I finally do it... is indescribable!


  1. Love this! I wouldn't think that you are shy--but the fact that you are makes your willingness and ambition to compete even more admirable. You're the best, Kernie ;)

    (also, i am totally stalling right now.. ugh.. gym..)

  2. Thank you for posting this. I am going to compete this year (already how my show date picked out) and I'm not sure how I am going to be able to get up on stage in next to nothing....I will do it and hearing that its out of character for you also makes me know I am not alone in my fear.

  3. I can totally relate to this! I've gotten a bit better in the last couple of years but I used to be incredibly shy. So shy that my cheeks would flush whenever anyone talked to me! But I've been dancing six I was six and always became a completely different person on stage. Confident, bubbly, beaming. Definetely my alter ego ;)

  4. love this post bc i can totally relate!!!!
    most ppl dont even have a clue i compete. im not as painfully shy as i was as a kid/teen/young adult,but im still very quiet and hate to draw attention to myself....even in the gym i wear big baggy clothes,longsleeves,long pants and aball cap....
    so yeah,when others find out i compete,it takes them by surprise!
    it MUST be an alter ego thing!!!


  5. Oh, yes, that girl that stepped on stage last May was definitely my alter ego. I was terrified inside and violently shaking from head to toe (I thought), but everyone said I looked so confident and happy up there!

  6. YES! I have one too! Its pretty much superwoman / Ellen / Angelina Jolie / Me or something. bwhahaha!

  7. I must have an alter ego too!!! I don't even own a bathing suit to wear to the pool or beach because I'm too embarrassed to wear one. Yet, I'll pose my heart out on a stage while wearing a bedazzled two-piece....go figure!!!

    I think my alter ego is like She Hulk while the real me is Marian the Librarian :)


    1. I love it T! You are incredible. Funny story, I didn't own a regular suit either. I HATE wearing them at pools and what not. In fact I will purposefully NOT plan things that revolve around swimming just to avoid it!