Tick, Tock....

Is it crazy that I am suddenly feeling so ready to just bust out this competition? Thinking back... a couple of weeks ago all I felt was fear, doubt, self conscious. Today... I feel like I want to get this show on the road. I feel like I am in a healthier mindset than I have ever been when competing. Let me explain. In the past I remember ALL I could think about was what I wanted to eat, how much I wanted FOOD... and I had no real plan as to how I was going to go about incorporating normal food back into my diet. I just wanted to eat EVERYTHING. IN. SIGHT. And I did. I just went with the flow which led to serious post show depression and horrible body image issues.

I don't feel that way right now. My cheat meal after the show will definitely be nice I am not gonna lie. I am looking forward to it (it being a big fat sandwich) for sure but I am not thinking about it as a "holy cow what can I stuff in my face". I plan on taking it easy and not over doing it with any food over the weekend and then Monday morning getting right back on my plan, of course allowing myself one or two "cheat" meals a week (which for me just means, not on my plan but still healthy food). I am NOT taking a week off of the gym. I think that is what always kills me. I am so addicted to working out right now. I LOVE the way it makes me feel. I plan to continue going every day and until spring when more competitions come around I plan on focusing on staying lean.

I feel like I am in a good place. Come on weekend lets do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inspired...

What a great day today is becoming. I was at the gym earlier doing some leg workouts when this 84 year old man came up to me and he says "You look great, don't ever stop taking care of yourself. I am 84 years old and I work out everyday, I still go bowling once a week, and I feel blessed!" He went on to tell me how his father was overweight, had heart and back problems and spent the remaining years of his life a couch potato. He said that INSPIRED him to take care of himself. I love that word. INSPIRED. It is such a great, positive word. I am inspired by so many people and this man is now one of them. He even gave me knuckles as he was walking away and told me to stay fit and teach my kids the importance of it.

Great way to start my day. I feel pretty good considering how exhausted I was this weekend. I saw my neighbor at the grocery store yesterday and she said that I looked exhausted. Well I was! But today I woke up full of energy. Probably because I got more than 4 hours of sleep. I have hit the gym twice and even on my carb depletion still feel pretty energetic. I have already almost had a full gallon of water and its only noon. That never happens. That is probably the one thing I am worst at. WATER, well that and sneaking little bites of my kids cereal! Ha ha!

Crunch time baby! Time to shower and do some posing!

Peak Week

This whole not sleeping thing is really getting on my nerves.

I am exhausted.

You would think that I would crash the second my head hits the pillow after fifteen gym sessions in one day.

Instead, I toss.... and I turn... and I pose.... and I walk.... and I pose (all in my head of course, not in my bed.... yet).

It. Is. Ridiculous.

Yet, put me on a couch around 2 pm and I am out like a light.

Insomnia... one more week and you better disappear!

The worst part is... when I FINALLY do fall asleep around 1 or later I am up, WIDE awake at 6 am. WTH is wrong with me? This was AFTER taking melatonin to eventually fall asleep and I was awoken with a headache. Just kill me now!

On a happier note, tomorrow begins peak week. This is THE only part (aside from getting on stage) that I actually look forward to in prep. This is the week where everything that you have worked your hiney off for... shows. The week where dramatic, yes very dramatic things happen to your body. You wake up with a perfect 6 pack, your skin looks tight and firm, its the most amazing thing EVER!

Yay for peak week!

SeVeN

Seven.... SeVeN.... SEVEN days until showtime!!!

I am down another 2 lbs this week. I am okay with that. Hoping that peak week drops me enough to make me feel more than okay with that! I can't believe its almost here. You know that feeling where you just can't really "picture" the day? Like for most people its probably their wedding day... not mine... it was in the courthouse... there was nothing fancy about it... a few family members and a best friend... but for most people... the anticipation for the day I would IMAGINE was unimaginable. That is how this feels. I can't even imagine walking on stage, seems crazy to me! I never can imagine it and than when its over its like "WHOA... I really just did that...." its over so fast! Blink of an eye. Like a dream. Maybe that is what keeps me wanting to do it. The adrenaline, the excitement, the anticipation, the prep, the torture, the "I will kill you if you eat that cookie in front of me"... all of it... simply indescribable!

I am ready.

I can do this.

I will not fall.

I will get that sandwich.

And that cookie.

In one week.

That... makes me happy! :) Happy Saturday!

One, two, three, four....

Two a days, three a days, maybe even four... who's counting? I'm not because if I did I would probably cry. I am exhausted and I honestly can't wait to get the next week over with so I can get on that stage! I look forward to next Friday. That is when it all becomes real again... the tan will be applied (my fav part) I will wake up Saturday morning to see all of the hard work I have been doing finally pay off (I hope). My diet has been the same for the last 3 week, we tweeked it a bit last week because I had only lost two pounds the first two weeks. I weigh in again tomorrow (scared to death) and see if the tweekage has helped. I feel a difference but the scale hates me so we will see!

My food hasn't been too hard but I would by lying if I said that I was 100% perfect in my eating. I do my best and I am most days pretty dang close to 100% but there are days... when you just need that little handful of cereal or that little piece of chocolate, you know just a little reward for all your hard work. I feel like I am at the gym more than I am home. That really to me is very sad. I know its because I really didn't give myself the prep time I should have. I came in late to the game so I am working extra hard to not make a fool of myself! What can I say? I want another one of these to add to my "trophy case"...

My ladies, aren't they pretty?

My sweeeeet sword... with which I did catch my husband playing with a time or two, they never really grow up. He had it mounted and got a copy made of the plaque to place on it!

This week has been a blast though. I have tried a few new to me classes at the gym just to get that extra push and have really gotten my butt kicked. Lets see... I did the Bootcamp class, which was awesome! It kicked my white bubble butt! I also did a class last night called Total Body Conditioning. HOLY COW... why did no one warn me? We had to do everything in hundreds.

• We started with a weighted bar and had to do 100 walking lunges around the room, every time we paused or had to stop to rest we would have to drop our weights and do 20 squats. I DID NOT want to do that so I pushed all the way through my hundred, my butt was cramping up but I was not wanting the punishment.
• We then did 100 shoulder press, again... every time we had to stop and rest we had to pull out 20 side raises with dumbbells. I will not admit how many times I had to rest. My neck kept tightening up and it was painful!
• After that I think we had to do 100 squats with the barbell, punishment was plyo lunges. I pushed through the entire 100 on that one. My legs are strong. They have had to carry this booty around long enough ;)
• We did Bicep curls with bar (100), punishment was alternating biceps with dumbbell
• Finally we did some ab work, laying on mat, holding bar straight above you and doing leg raises. Punishment was sit ups.

Kicked my trash!

I went in early this morning and did some cardio, and I am about to head out and try another new to me class called Powertone. I have heard that I should be afraid. And I am. Tonight its BodyCombat, whoop whoop... my fav!

Hugs!

Source

I have to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the sweet, amazing, thoughtful comments on my last post! I honestly needed to hear everything that was said to me! It was like getting a few big hugs, and everyone needs a big hug sometimes!!!!

... the week is almost over. Do you know what that means? That means I am getting closer and closer to dusting off my heels and stepping (hopefully not falling) on that stage. YIKES! I am getting more excited now that my suit is here and my tanning supplies have arrived! I am starting to lean a little like I wanted to so hopefully that keeps on happening! Besides being grumpy and exhausted I am feeling pretty good. I don't sleep well due to my thoughts, I mostly lay there in bed and practice my posing in my head all night. During the day I usually feel really great until about 2 pm, that's when I crash and usually end up asleep wherever I am at, and by 5 or so I feel pretty good again! Oh I can't wait to get this tan on. Is that weird? It just makes everything look so dang good!

I get asked this DAILY. "So, what are you craving? What do you want most after the show?". That is a REALLY hard question to ask someone who is starving :) Actually there are really only TWO things that I can think of right now that I would sell my youngest child for (kidding) a big fat Turkey avocado and swiss sandwich on thick wheat bread (Great Harvest) loaded with mayo, lettuce and tomato! AND.... a HUGE and I am talking the size of my head huge Chocolate chip cookie.... warm... maybe topped with ice cream.. mmmm... a pizookie! Now, cereal is a real close third. I love cereal and it is something that I have found every competitor I know craves during prep, but I want me some bread baby!

Source

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For those of you who do compete, what is it that you crave most during prep?

Hopeless in SLC

Humph!

I think... considering... I have been pretty dang nice. For example when my husband went grocery shopping with me I didn't rip his head off when he grabbed TWO bags of chips and threw them in the cart (I NEVER, EVER buy them because they call my name). I also didn't RIP his head off like I wanted to when he went down the street and came home with a cookies and cream shake. I was nice. Instead I went to BodyCombat... TWICE in one day and beat the crap out of him. The other night while they sat around (they being my hubby and kids) eating PIZZA while I ate my chicken salad I didn't even punch his brains out when he said "Just have a piece, give yourself a cheat meal"... Ummmmm... yeeeeaaahhhhh right at two weeks out? The nerve.

Today I am exhausted. My carbs are pretty low anyway, but I have been in panic mode and trying to get in as much gym time as possible. This morning I ran 4 miles at 6:30 am, then I went to BodyPump at 9:45, I then got a bodywrap done because I have two left and thought what the heck it can't hurt, oh but that's not all, I also hit up the BootCamp class at 5:30. I napped in between, pretty much all day. I still feel MILES away from being ready to step on that stage in *gasp* 11 days... but it is happening. There is no backing out now. I am registered. Oh. Em. Gee. It sure didn't help that tonight I "tried on" the suit for the husband and I didn't really get the reaction I was hoping for. It was more like how you going to pull this one off in ten days? What was I thinking???!!!??? I am having a moment. A... you can't do this moment... A what in the world were you thinking moment. I think that in the next week I better see something pretty drastic happen in order for me to feel confident on that stage. I know that once the tan is on you already look a million times better but I don't know if a million times better is good enough.

Tomorrow is a new day.. a new BodyCombat packed day where I can beat the crap out of whoever I feel like. I am hoping that will get rid of some of this frustration.